I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
