I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
