he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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