Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I will pee on everything he values.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
