you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
