Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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