i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
