I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
