she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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