it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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