i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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