Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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