i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
