We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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