I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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