tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
