people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
