first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
