Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
