I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
