I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
