the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
