I'm jealous of your bromance
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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