I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
