I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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