Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Found your dick twin last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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