WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
