You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
