I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
