You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
