Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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