Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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