Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
