real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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