We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
