I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
