Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
