I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
