Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
