My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
