I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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