The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
