winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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