I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
