Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
