Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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