he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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