it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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