If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
