I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
