Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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