Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
