my sisters under your porch take her home
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
