There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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