I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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