You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
