Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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