If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
