My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize