he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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