at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
