I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
