Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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