I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
