is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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