It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
