You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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