I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When are your genitals available?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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