You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
