Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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