My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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