i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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