god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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